Photo 28 Jul 296,805 notes sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

dump her

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

dump her

Text 28 Jul 275,924 notes

jacobshutup:

u can tell im real because if i was gonna catfish id use someone hot

via cats >.
Photo 28 Jul 918,001 notes breakinq:

following back heaps♡

breakinq:

following back heaps♡

(Source: c-isnenegro)

Photo 28 Jul 79,208 notes thatassholemeeka:

madeupmonkeyshit:

me when im checking out

Ratchet

thatassholemeeka:

madeupmonkeyshit:

me when im checking out

Ratchet

via Bae.
Text 27 Jul 253,595 notes

immersings:

I grow super attached to people so please give me a 60 day warning before I stop existing to you.

via Bae.
Video 27 Jul 179,704 notes

(Source: failturd)

via Bae.
Text 27 Jul 553,874 notes

meladoodle:

rodneykong:

if she’s even able to walk after sex you didnt do it right

yeah you’re supposed to cut her legs off 

via cats >.
Text 27 Jul 442,157 notes

snapchatting:

my life would probably get 2 notes

Video 27 Jul 1,207,800 notes

katiekatkkm:

I can’t decide if Taylor or Nikki’s reaction is better

(Source: incomparablyme)

via Bae.
Text 26 Jul 472,872 notes

goobsohard:

The sexual tension between two people when one of them says “make me”

via cats >.

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